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Toh bataya kyu nahi..What was stopping you from doing that?

If I ask you about your childhood, I bet you will recall a bunch of things that you must have hidden from your parents, whether a big thing or a small one that you think about now and laugh about hiding. When we grow up we feel closer to our friends than our family. We share everything with our friends, from our tiffin boxes to our home conflicts. Now that you are a parent, you have a fear, what if my kids are keeping secrets from me as I did from my parents? Well, your fear is not wrong.

After the age of around 10, kids start to build their world. They keep their toys, siblings, and friends much closer. Their day-to-day life experiences, the things they see, listen to, and observe, play a vital role in their cognitive, emotional, and social development.

It is very common for kids to share everything with their friends. Whether it was how their parents treated them when they found out something or when the kids told their parents about something they got punished or scolded for. The probability is very high that your kids will hear their friends talking about their parents exerting a certain behaviour, and he/she will generalize it and start to think you will do the same if you find out about it. Here, you have to build a strong bond with your kid where he/she can talk to you openly and share anything and everything without any fear.

In today’s world where child abuse or sexual abuse has no end, your concern is pretty obvious. It’s a crucial time of a kid's development and it is very important for parents to know their kids' whereabouts and keep them safe. But how will you keep them safe if your kids keep hiding things from you?

The answer is simple. You need to know the reasons why your kid is hiding things from you:

  • Kids fear Abandonment: Kids are very sensitive and fear being neglected and abandoned. If their parents caught them doing something that their parents asked them not to, or in case, A child is going through any kind of abuse, and if the abuser is someone known to parents, a child fears that their words will not be taken seriously and the situation might get worse. Hence, sometimes a teen/tween decides not to share such mishappenings with their parents and which results in another story untold.

  • Kids have a fear of Punishment: When the kids have seen their elder siblings or their friends being punished for a mistake by their parents, or they might have had a prior experience of being punished for a similar action, kids get conscious and keep the secrets within themselves. And here, the hiding things take over sharing details.

  • Kids fear parents will not Understand them: When kids grow up and make a stronger connection with friends as compared to the family, they share a mutual understanding with the friend. Slowly, the closeness that parents experienced earlier is now shared by their friends. Your little one has the fear that you, as a parent, will judge them and not understand them the way their friends do because they are also floating on the same boat. Hence a friend becomes their safe corner for ranting and sharing secrets without any fear of misunderstanding.

  • Kids have a fear of Restrictions: In normal households, we have always seen parents putting rules and restrictions on kids. Parents do things because they want their kid’s safety but the kids have no idea about it until they meet the reason. Many times, even after knowing the reasons behind the “Don’ts” set by the parents, kids are still curious to experience things on their own, thinking it might turn out as something else. It’s their will to experience things and call the curiosity at peace, teens\tweens prefer hiding things from their parents.

  • Kids have a fear of Losing something: Kids love and trust their parents but when they grow up they start to develop a sense of security that makes them keep their choice of things safe and away from any harm. This sense of security may cause the kid to hide some objects from you whenever they see you because they want to protect those things at any cost. They don’t have any bad intentions behind it but they fear losing that object forever.

Now that you pretty much know the reasons, bring them into confidence. It is the assurance, friendly behaviour, and smartness that can drive this game a little easier. So, before shouting, scolding, and punishing your kids, know what can be done to gain their trust.

We wish you happy parenting!

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